Steady Mom

suffer for 15 minutes

I deserve a trophy, friends.

I've managed to tackle one of my least favorite tasks in the entire year--organizing the kids' new clothes for autumn/winter and storing the clothes from summer. And I finished the bulk of it one week before autumn has even arrived!

This may also be the first year I've finished this task without any tears involved (from me, not the kids--in case you were wondering!). I conquered it by "suffering for 15 minutes a day."

I took this advice from Gretchen Rubin's new book Happier at Home. I like Gretchen's writing style because she studies happiness from a practical perspective, instead of a purely philosophical one. The resolutions she shares on her blog and in her books are crafted to be specific, concrete, and measureable. (Gretchen also answered a few questions in an interview series I did a couple of years ago if you'd like to check it out.)

I love the ending to Gretchen's new book, too. I won't give it away, but I'll give you a clue: Little House! And you know how I adore Little House.

"Suffer for 15 minutes" means what it sounds like--setting a timer for 15 minutes, tackling an unpleasant task, then stopping as soon as the timer goes off. I was drawn to this idea immediately, but at first couldn't even think of when I could spare 15 minutes (you mamas know what I'm talking about, right?!).

Then the ideal time came to mind--a time of day that I used to use for writing, but had to stop due to too many interruptions from the kids. Now I use it for less intense work--emails, blog formatting, photo uploading, etc. It would be the perfect time to suffer for 15 minutes. Since I started I've not only finished the children's clothes, but I'm making slow, but steady progress on other unpleasant tasks one-by-one.

Can you find 15 minutes to tackle a task that's been weighing you down today? 


"A small daily task, if it be really daily, will beat the labours of a spasmodic Hercules."
~ Anthony Trollope

you can have both - spontaneity and a schedule

Many people get freaked out when the word "schedule" is introduced in conversation.

"I could never live like that!"

"I hate a piece of paper telling me what to do!"

We have different needs during different seasons in our lives as moms. When I first wrote Steady Days and my kids were much younger, I found I needed a more detailed schedule. I ran out of ideas of what to do with three little people otherwise, which left me frustrated.

But now my kids can handle less structure and more flexibility. Over time I've found a way to blend rhythm and spontaneity while still making sure my priorities are covered.

The key is this: I have blocks of time throughout the day that I reserve for - "work time."

This could be when the kids are watching a video, playing outside, or a portion of rest time. I know it's a work time and therefore, I need to work.

But I can choose the type of work I want to do. I get to pick (spontaneity!) based on what needs to be done, what I'm interested in, what works for the kids at that moment, and what I most want to do.

This is completely the opposite of having a piece of paper say that at 3:05 you must fold the laundry. That kind of detail will drive you crazy and set you up for failure.

My friend Mandi Ehman (author of the awesome new bestseller, Easy. Homemade!) calls a version of this concept productive procrastination. I love that term! When life isn't flowing or whatever I feel like I "should" do doesn't appeal, I'm often tempted to just waste time online.

But if I allow myself to choose what to work on based on my interests in the moment, I still accomplish a lot. And if there's something I've been putting off, eventually this momentum of productivity helps me to tackle it.

We need to work, to feel productive--it's a gift. But we don't have to micromanage our lives in order to get the full benefits of life with a rhythm.

"Understanding your personality and motivation is an important part of developing discipline and becoming more productive, so look for ways to use productive procrastination, not just as a way to avoid some dreaded task, but as a way to get more done!"
~ Mandi Ehman, Life Your Way

our summer rhythm of life

Care to see what a routine with plenty of margin looks like? Here's mine:

6:20 am - 7:00: My writing time

7:00 am - 8:20: Get myself dressed & ready for the day, Read my Bible and have breakfast (Kids are either sleeping, reading, or playing in their rooms at this time)

8:20 am - 9:30: Breakfast with the kids (includes cleanup and morning reading time)

9:30 am - 10:30: Trishna & Jonathan watch a video; Elijah plays outside & I work on the computer or in the house

10:30 am - 10:45: Snack for the kids; I read a Bible story while they eat

10:45 am - 11:45: Now it's Elijah's turn to watch a video; T & J play outside - I read for a while, then head outside myself

11:45 am - 12:45: Lunch (including prep/eating/reading to kids/cleanup)

12:45 pm - 2:45: Learning Sections (Kids rotate having one-on-one time with me & working on their own projects--this is the part of our day that most looks like "school" - we do it year-round.)

2:45 pm - 3: Quick snack before rest time

3 pm - 5: Rest Time (This includes transition to & from rest time & plenty of interruptions, rest time itself is about 1.5 hours.) I spend 45 minutes of free time myself & have 45 minutes of writing/work time.

5 pm - 6:45: Dinner (Includes dinner prep, play with kids time, dinner itself, & cleanup) Often the kids will watch another short show at some point during this time as well as playing outside together. Steve typically arrives home somewhere in here.

6:45 pm - 7:45: Help kids get ready for bed (Showers, pajamas, etc.) They might play or listen to Sparkle Stories when it isn't their turn.

7:45 pm - 8:15: Tuck everyone in & I rotate spending individual time with one child each night

8:15 pm - 10:30: Free/Time with Steve (I try not to work at night so this time doesn't just vanish away & because I'm usually pretty tired by this point.)

by 10:30 pm: To bed - Night, ya'll!!

"Until you value yourself, you will not value your time. Until you value your time,
you will not do anything with it."
- M. Scott Peck

the secret behind a schedule that actually works

is wine while you're doing the laundry. (Kidding--though it helps!)

The secret behind a schedule that actually works is this:

create it by imagining your worst day possible.

What often happens when moms attempt to make a rhythm or routine for our days is that we cram as much into the schedule as possible--because there's so much we feel needs to "get done."

Ironically though, doing so means that we fall further behind than ever.

Here's what I mean:

If I allow 30 minutes for breakfast on my routine each day, then what happens when Trishna spills her water, Jonathan is determined to rush outside to "check on the plants," and Elijah starts whining about the fact that we're all out of Cheerios? (All of these examples have happened in the past week by the way!)

This causes mama's frustration levels to rise significantly--I start seeing the children as interruptions to "my" day--my plans, my important work.

If, on the other hand, I've allowed an hour on my schedule for breakfast--then I know that I have margin. I never have that panicky behind feeling. I have built in time to deal with life in a calmer way.

And on those days when everything goes swimmingly and breakfast is over in 30 minutes? That's the best part! Now there's built-in free time: play time, time to tickle little ones, laugh a little longer, snuggle on the couch, or read a quick library book.

If you've been struggling to find success with a routine, imagine how long the regular parts of life actually take on the most challenging days around your home. Use that as your framework and you'll discover an unfolding blend of both peace and productivity.

"I love a broad margin to my life. Sometimes, in a summer morning, having taken my accustomed bath, I sat in my sunny doorway from sunrise til noon, rapt in a revery."
~ Henry David Thoreau