Steady Mom

A book that is changing the way I think

Hands Free Mama by Rachel Macy Stafford

I completely agree with Rachel's message, which is to "put down the phone, burn the to-do list, and let go of perfection to grasp what really matters." But as someone who has already discovered the boundaries I need to keep my online life balanced, I wasn't sure the message would be new to me.

It's been at least a year since I took Facebook--and even email--off my iPhone (best decision ever, for me) and I have fairly regular hours for when I am online and offline. I also use the app Self Control for Mac (highly recommended!) and that has helped me concentrate during writing times.

Of course I have days and weeks when these virtual boundaries of mine get blurred and slightly out of focus, but I usually recognize the signs and get back on course when that happens.

Yet even though online addiction isn't a huge problem for me, I still found that Rachel's book (which I was sent to review) got me thinking. I love that she shares her story candidly and vulnerably, instead of just throwing out a list of how-tos and steps to follow.

She weaves snippets of practical advice in between personal snapshots of the ways her life has improved since she had a wake-up call that her real life was passing her by. I also appreciate how she includes her Christian faith and perspective without isolating readers who may have different beliefs.

I began reading Hands Free Mama at a time when I had gotten a little off course with my online time. As a blogger who works from home, it's an occupational hazard I guess!

I was trying to do little snippets of work here and there--a quick response to a Facebook question or a blog comment in between lessons with the kids or before lunch, etc. It was never out of control, but the back and forth disconnected me from the real world and made me feel like I was online more than I actually was.

A couple of days ago I had an epiphany about what was happening: I actually needed a longer block of time in which to work. By trying to fit things into quick checks here, 15 minutes there, I frustrated myself since I could never finish the real work that needs to get done.

So yesterday after being offline with the kids from 7:30am - 2pm (my main writing time each day is from 6am-7:30am) I told them that from 2:15-3:15 Mommy would be working. They could play outside or inside, but I would need to concentrate...because I was doing work that blesses our family and others.

It was heavenly! At ages 10, 9, and 8, my kids are old enough to handle an hour of time without needing my focused attention every other moment. They are also old enough to understand the concept of work and how it benefits our family.

My biggest epiphany was this: After devoting most of my entire day and attention to them, I shouldn't feel guilty for doing the other important work I need to do. 

For the first time in a long time, I actually got all my mid-day work done and my emails answered. When I closed my laptop it was with a happy sigh of satisfaction, and I returned my focus to my sweet little people without the frustration of wishing for "more time."

My takeaway from Rachel's book: Question the places in my day that feel off, like they're not working, especially when it comes to my relationship with the online world.

Keep looking for a solution that works for the whole family...and don't feel guilty for doing what I truly need to do online. I rarely do book reviews anymore, but this title is changing the way I think for the better and I wanted to share it with you!

The online world is not bad unless we put it ahead of the things that really matter--that's what Rachel's writing is helping me realize.

"To see the beauty and the goodness before I see
the flaws and imperfections...
To see the opportunities before I notice the inconveniences...
To see the promises of each day before I notice the challenges...
This is how I want to live.
To notice the good--always the good--before anything
else...and above all else."
~ Rachel Macy Stafford, Hands Free Mama

Life comes first: A pledge for 2014

I missed my morning writing time yesterday, and most of my sleep the night before.

Instead of waking up to my iPhone and opening the laptop, I yawned and stretched to first light in a hotel surrounded by little people.

This is life, I remind myself.

A few months ago when Elijah began a new season of official reading lessons I promised him that after he had worked hard, we would celebrate his achievement as a family.

We opened the book nearly every day--some mornings progress came quick and glorious. Other days, sounding out words soooo slowly--painful for both of us.

This is life, I remind myself.

But this past Sunday this introverted, bold and courageous boy sat around the family table after dinner and read a story to us. A story...to us! Afterwards we made the announcement:

"To celebrate and honor all the hard work Elijah has put in to his learning, we are going to a hotel!"

Their eyes grow wide and their smiles grow big, and Elijah does a little happy dance just because.

This is life, I remind myself.

We pack bags for the night and head to a fancy restaurant for pad thai before we arrive at our final destination. Sitting down among menus we order and wait. The food finally comes, arranged beautifully on the plate, and we dig in.

Seconds later, a wailing fire alarm begins. We grab our fancy dinner in not-so-fancy take out containers and leave the building with ears covered.

This is life, I remind myself.

The kids were in heaven at a hotel with a pool and waterslide all to themselves, having an incredible time.

But not all was perfection--I still had to pull this one aside and ask for no shouting and pull this one aside and remind about showing respect.

This is life, I remind myself.

We're a week into 2014 now and more than any other year I've approached it purposefully--with thoughtfulness given to lessons from the year before and hopes chronicled for the year ahead.

I've written goals and lists and dreams and visions--some of which will come true, and some of which might not.

This is life, I remind myself.

My word for 2014 is PRESENT.

I want to be here this year--to soak every moment up, good and bad.

To not allow future or past to take away from what is. To relish every ounce of joy, even if I have to mine it out of an otherwise pathetic day.

To not mentally run away from the unpleasant--but to stay right there. Surrounded by love, life, and wild imperfection.

I missed my morning writing time yesterday, and most of my sleep the night before, but it's okay.

Because I haven't missed my life.

And this year, 2014, life comes first.

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do
With your one wild and precious life?"
~ Mary Oliver

My day in the life (with an 8, 9, & 10-year-old)

Once a year I document a "typical" day in our home over on Simple Homeschool.

Care to take a peek?

Jamie’s homeschool day in the life – Monday, December 30, 2013

5:50 am – My iPhone alarm goes off, and I push snooze. Now I have ten minutes until I must be up, no excuses!

6:10 – Downstairs to begin writing. I find Jonathan (age 9) on the couch already. My early rising boy doesn’t like to miss a moment with Steve before he leaves for the Love146 office each day around 6:45.

After a quick hello and hug to Jonathan, I start to work on this post. After 40 minutes I’m mostly done, so I respond to emails and schedule a few links to post throughout the day on my Facebook page.

7:15 – Jonathan asks if we can check the weather. It’s our morning tradition–he likes to keep an eye out for snow.

Later in the week we might see some of the white stuff!

Head here for the rest of my day on Simple Homeschool. Thanks, friends!