Steady Mom

the happiest day of your life

What if today was the happiest day of your life?

If some omniscient being (think Dickens' Christmas Carol here) appeared and let you know that today was the happiest day of your life, what would happen?

Would that knowledge change your perspective of the world around you?

The kids' bickering would float over and around you. It couldn't affect you on the happiest day of your life.

The neverending laundry and dishes and meals would be tackled or left to pile up. Either way would be fine, on the happiest day of your life.

That cup of coffee would taste sweeter, that encouraging word from a friend richer, that kiss from your husband deeper.

With the knowledge that today was the happiest day all the mundane would be seen anew. There could be no such thing as humdrum. The divine would appear in all things-- you would know that life is good.

You may have hopes and dreams for the future, true. But if today was the happiest day of your life, it wouldn't matter whether or not they've come true.

Happy never starts tomorrow.

Life is a mess and we are a mess, but the mess only magnifies when we study and analyze it. Instead let's study the joy, the beauty, and the incredible One who created us and loves us even in the midst of our issues.

As I write I hear a very loud Liberian in his bedroom upstairs. He rushes back and forth fighting imaginary enemies with a stick sword -- conquering them all I've no doubt. The dishwasher hums while Jonathan plays with Lego in the front room and Trishna writes in a journal.

To my right the dining table is covered with miniature pumpkins and splattered dropcloths--proof of the mess and the majesty right within these four walls. I breathe in the smell of my hot chai tea and look around.

A few minutes ago I saw only uphill challenges to tackle and unending tasks to cross off lists. Now I sense peace stretching across my mind like a cozy warm blanket on a chilly night.

Everything will be all right.

After all, it's the happiest day of my life.

"He is happiest, be he king or peasant, who finds peace in his home."
~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

5 ways to love your life more today

1. Remember the 90%.

As humans, we have a negativity bias. This means that by nature we notice and pick up on the negative things in our lives more easily than the positive ones. This is good for our survival as a species, but bad for our happiness.

When I'm in the midst of a challenge, I need to remind myself that 90% of my life is still going really well. Otherwise that small 10% will occupy my thoughts so much it will get inflated and out of proportion.

2. Laugh.

Parents can get really serious sometimes. We have real-life responsibilities after all. But looking at life through serious lenses draws more serious circumstances our way. Why?

Because what we notice, we make bigger. It's kind of like highlighting the serious with a magnifying glass.

Need help laughing? Don't miss random people leading an orchestra or 15th century Flemish style portraits. Hilarious!

3. Forget yourself for a little while.

We need to consider what will make us happier, and it's not selfish to do so. But sometimes we need to forget ourselves for a little while--because making others happy results in a happiness boost, too.

If you need to love your life more today, think up an idea or a surprise for your kids. Maybe a movie you know they'd love, a project that you've been putting off they really want to work on, or a fun outing. Nothing blesses me more than watching my kids' faces light up in surprise and joy.

4. Stop thinking so much and go rest.

An Irish proverb states that "a good laugh and a long sleep are the two best cures for anything." So true. Most people overanalyze and overthink their lives. Constantly spinning our inner wheels, we get nowhere, solve no problems, and make ourselves feel worse.

Your mind will always want to solve problems when you're at your weakest--emotionally or physically. It will tempt you with thoughts swirling round and round. But solutions to real issues rarely come in those overwhelming moments.

Try going to sleep for the night or taking a nap instead if you can. You may wake up to find your problems aren't really that serious. You may even wake up with the perfect solution, and it will have come effortlessly.

5. Think about 10 years from now.

In ten years, my children will be 18, 19, and 20. Are you kidding me?! That seems outrageous, but it's true.

When I remember that fact, it helps me see that this moment we're living right now, with its unique challenges and joys, truly is fleeting. Sometimes that reminder alone is enough to jolt me back to where I am and love my life even more.

Your life is precious, today and every today. Don't let the beauty of it pass you by.

"We can easily manage if we will only take, each day, the burden appointed to it.  But the load will be too heavy for us if we carry yesterday's burden over again today, and then add the burden of the morrow before we are required to bear it." 
~John Newton

maybe you're asking the wrong question

I realized recently that the items on my to-do list usher a lot of stress my way. Not only is there no end to them--as items get crossed off more inevitably are added--but I always second-guess whether or not I've chosen to tackle the "right thing."

"Am I doing the right thing for this moment?" I ask myself--as if there is a secret formula or magic button that will unlock my productivity, hopes, and dreams.

After all, if I choose to tackle one task something else remains undone. And mamas do not exactly have unlimited reserves of time, do we?

Because of the generational speed in which we live, we make an extraordinarily large number of choices each and every day. Researchers have found that decision-making, beyond a low threshold, is stressful for humans.

Without even noticing we make hundreds of decisions daily, and with each one, from the toothpaste we chose at the store to the dinner we make in the evening, we can have the nagging thought "Did I make the right choice?"

But I've come to believe that is the wrong question to ask. Instead of looking for the elusive "right" thing (which doesn't really exist by the way), try asking this instead:

"Is what I'm doing now a blessing for me and my family?"

The beauty of this new question is that there are multiple "right" answers. Some of them could be:

• folding the laundry
• playing on the floor with your kids and leaving the laundry in the pile
• taking a nap (this can totally bless your family--a tired mama is no good for anyone!)
• making dinner
• ordering dinner out tonight
• cleaning the house
• getting up early to work or have quiet time
• sleeping in because you really need the rest

There are tons of ways we can use our time to bless our families. I'm sick of my to-do list bossing me around, weary of my mind trying to find the "one perfect thing" to do.

If we consistently make baby steps of progress in a good direction, we'll find over time that we've gotten exactly where we wanted to go, and multiple paths can lead us there.

"I long to accomplish a great and noble task, but it is my chief duty to accomplish small tasks as if they were great and noble."
~ Helen Keller