Now that I'm settled back at home for a while, I plan to start tackling the questions left in the Ask Jamie post I published recently.
Here's the first:
Jennifer asked: "I'm also an introvert and generally thrive on peace and order in my house. With two small kids, 6 and 3, who like to play and have fun, that doesn't always happen.
How do you balance fun time (with a little bit of rowdy) versus always being drill sergeant asking them to behave?"
Similarly Tanya W asked: "I'm also an introvert and struggle with noise & chaos. We have three kids~ 12 (boy), 7 (boy) and 3 (girl). My boys are well...boys! They get loud, rowdy and often argue and fight. Our daughter is a strong personality in her own right and can also get loud if she's not getting her own way.
I find that I tend to "check out" at times (especially when I'm trying to accomplish a task) and leave my kids to their own devices. This usually ends up with the boys and/or my daughter fighting.
Do you have any advice on how to both get my own chores done but also keep peace in our house?? I have tried encouraging them to help me but find it hard to keep on task with the myriad of interruptions and general "loudness". Thanks so much for your time and advice!"
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Firstly, can I say that there is no magic pill or formula that will enable children to not be children. I feel women especially (speaking from my own experience) have a tendency to look for an easy tip or trick that will "solve" an issue, when the reality is that what is right in one home may not work at all in another. What is right in one season may not work at all in another!
Secondly, it may be helpful for you to know that my house is also loud, and will remain loud for a while, no matter how much rhythm and routine I put into place. My children bicker regularly (some days constantly), and I find it trying and overwhelming at times--just like you do. Sometimes it helps to know we're not alone, don't you think?
With those two points in mind, here are two tips that help me balance what must be done with keeping peace at home:
1. Allow plenty of time for tasks.
We moms try to pack so much into so little time. If we give ourselves plenty of flex time in between activities, it helps alleviate the drill sergeant mentality because we're not always rushing. This means that we can allow for a bit more rowdy play without it bothering us.
This post is one of the only blog posts I have ever actually printed out--I go back to read Jennifer's words regularly when I feel as though I can't get stuff "done." It reminds me that the season I'm in (& I'm still in that season, even with a 9, almost 8, and 7-year-old) isn't one of massive productivity. Setting my expectations accordingly is truly a lifesaver.
2. A strong rhythm helps.
Our days at home flow in mostly the same pattern, balanced by outings/playdates here and there and special events. But having a general rhythm to your days helps to prevent the total chaos that can result from a lack of order. (I discuss this in greater length in my book, Steady Days.)
Is there a certain amount of time that you notice your kids can play before fighting or arguments begin? When my three play together at home, it may last for 20-30 minutes happily before a problem emerges.
Knowing this, I can plan accordingly and call them in for a snack or to transition to something else. If you're interested in using a visual schedule to help, check out this post I wrote on Simple Homeschool.
“So stay true to your own nature. If you like to do things in a slow and steady way, don't let others make you feel as if you have to race.
If you enjoy depth, don't force yourself to seek breadth.
If you prefer single-tasking to multi-tasking, stick to your guns."
Susan Cain, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can't Stop Talking
