Steady Mom

what you do isn't who you are

I am learning this lesson in big, in-your-face ways these days. I know that if I wrestle with this, it probably has relevance for you, too.

Since childhood I have tended to define myself by my accomplishments. Traditional schooling sets it up that way--it wasn't enough to get a good grade, I wanted to "beat" everyone else.

I'm not sure where this exactly came from--definitely not my parents. They were of more the "Did you try your best?" and "Take the day off from school." variety. (Seriously. I don't know if it was reverse psychology, but anytime I complained to my dad about school he would just suggest I stay home instead.)

I carried this measurement mentality into adulthood, but after college there weren't as many ways to quantify myself.

Until I began my journey into the blogosphere.

I had entered a numbers field day--pageviews, unique visits, subscribers, sales ranking, and more. Pretty much enough to drive a girl like me crazy. I have slowly learned to put boundaries around these measurements to stay sane and focused on mission, not measurement. But it's not always easy.

Maybe you don't measure yourself based on a blog; maybe you do it based on your children's behavior. If there are no tantrums or bad attitudes, I must be doing a good job. If I'm disciplining all day, I must be failing. Our mindsets veer toward extremes.

Take it to heart today: What you do doesn't define who you are.

We are complex, imaginative, glorious women. We have strengths and weaknesses, yes. That's part of our beauty.

We matter.

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5 habits that help me make it through a sleepy day

Photo by Warren Noronha

Now that I have older children, I have become blissfully used to a full night's sleep most of the time. But we still have the occasional nightmare, potty accident, or other situation that wakes me--like last night, for example.

Here's how I make it through the next day. Maybe a few of these points will help you as well.

1. Stay in bed later if you can.

I usually try to get up early to write, but I figure there's no use doing so if I haven't had enough sleep--so this morning I stayed in bed an extra 30 minutes.

2. Still get up (and get dressed) before your kids.

Those with young kids may not find this helpful, but I always seem to find that even tired days go better if I'm up and at least dressed before we officially start our days. If I don't get dressed I feel more exhausted and lethargic.

3. Put "rest" on your to-do list.

Even thinking of a to-do list on sleepy days can seem overwhelming. If I haven't had enough sleep, I'll write "rest" as a to-do. It reminds me that my rest is a legitimate need to consider and to not push myself too hard.

4. Get outside--even if only for ten minutes.

Fresh air rejuvenates. If you can combine this with a quick walk, all the better.

5. Make a happy list.

If you're like me, it's far too easy to fall into discouragement on a day without enough sleep. To combat this tendency to see the glass as half-empty, I like to make a happy list--of what I'm grateful for or of the good choices I notice my kids making that day.

Today I chose to make a list of what my kids are learning and exploring as we journey through the day together. This always encourages me.

And it goes without saying that the best course of action to take on a tired day is to go to sleep as soon as possible!

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Surprised

The forecast made no mention of snow, so waking up to this winter wonderland both thrilled and surprised us.

We threw the normal routine out the window, embraced snow pants, boots, and shovels--all the while looking forward to the hot chocolate we knew would come later. (And to give you the full perspective, I should mention there was more than one situation needing some gentle discipline during this blissful time as well.)

The weather isn't the only realm with surprises up her sleeve. Haven't your children ever surprised you?

Sometimes I find I unknowingly put these little souls into boxes I have packed and labeled for them. This one is good at this, that one struggles with this, and on it goes. Then one day, they open their mouths or show their giftedness in areas I just didn't foresee. They blow me away.

Our kids have the capacity inside for bursts of greatness. Let's rip the lids off those boxes and stand at the ready for them to surprise us with all their depth of possibility.

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Mindset for Moms as a Simple Mom

Today I'm hanging out over at Simple Mom, and I hope you'll come visit!

Tsh recently interviewed me about my new e-book, Mindset for Moms, and she asked some interesting questions:

• Mindset for Moms is all about changing our thinking, not changing our circumstances. Why is this so important for moms?
• Give me an example of when changing your own mindset changed your attitude.
• What was the book writing experience like? How long did it take you to write it and what was your daily routine?

I'm also giving away 10 PDF copies of the book--head over to Simple Mom to read the interview and leave a comment to enter!