Written by Steady Mom contributor Cortney of Praiseworthy
As I get older, memories from my youth move farther into a more distant past, the details fade and change so that certain things, viewed again as an adult, seem smaller. The soccer field at my old elementary school got smaller, my fifth grade teacher shrank, and the trees separating my house from the neighbors’ don’t feel quite as tall as they did when I was...well, shorter. :)
I had expected the same sort of perception readjustment to occur when I went to visit my grandmother in Indiana last week. I was only ten years old the last time I was there, and now, walking into her home 16 years later, I expected the memories of my childhood to be altered by a new reality.
But I was wrong. Nothing seemed unfamiliar. I felt as though I had spent many visits there--as if I had been in that home every Christmas and every summer and the house was just as I left it. The walls had been painted, there were new floors and other updates, but I felt that I belonged there.
It might sound funny, but looking at the furniture and the dishes stacked on the kitchen shelves, I suddenly understood why I am who I am. Opening the drawer beside the stove and viewing the shelves in each room, I recognized my own mother’s styles and tastes and even organizing habits--the same ones that I see in myself!
Just being there in grandma’s home allowed me to find a connection to my heritage that added so much meaning to who I am. It allowed me to see myself in a new way, from the perspective of traits not contained merely in my genes, but in my character and my spirit.
As a mother, I often watch my girls and wonder to myself, “Was I like that?” As a child, did I act like they do now? Am I passing on the same personality traits that I inherited from my own mother and grandmother?
In my grandma’s house, I wished that my daughters could see what I was seeing. I wanted them to have a chance to be in that house, to feel the way I felt there, to know a piece of their heritage too. But grandma will be selling the house soon, probably before I have a chance to take my little family there.
I left Indiana last week wondering what can I do to give my children similar experiences? And wondering, someday, will my grandchildren be able to know me in that way?
Over the past few years I have been organizing a living personal history for my two daughters. I have been collecting items and information to give them when they are older:
I keep a journal of notes to my daughters. In each journal I write to her about her. The entries are not usually long, but they describe what she likes and what she experiences at each age and stage. I include the silly things they say and how they interact with the world.
I have an “heirloom” box for each of my children where I keep things like their first pair of shoes--not the pair they wore as an infant, but the first pair they actually played in and wore out.
I keep copies of our family Christmas cards for each child. We make one each year with a photograph and letter included.
My hope is to have things that will help my girls recognize who they really are. I want to include items and information that will give them a connection to their past and help them build a strong sense of individual worth. And I’m beginning to realize that I need to include things about myself, my husband, our parents and grandparents. I want them to know us well, to recognize traits in themselves that they saw in us.
Family history is more than just a pedigree chart or list of birth and death dates. I want details about how they lived their lives.
More than anything, I am feeling the need to spend time together, time just doing the sometimes overlooked daily tasks of life. Cooking with my grandma and my mom, just watching them in the kitchen, and having the opportunity to ask questions--that was what helped me feel the closest to them, and the most grounded in who I am.
This is my new motivation for staying organized in my time and my tasks. I want to make quality time become quality memories.
Even if they don’t remember the details, I want my children, and someday grandchildren, to remember how they felt when they were with me. I don’t want the time spent on daily tasks to be done grudgingly,
I want those moments to add to a the sense of comfort and belonging in our family--a family of women who tackled life’s demands with confidence and style.
**What things are you doing to help your children understand who they are? How do you organize your family heritage?**
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Cortney is a young mother of two who seeks to bring beauty and love to her family through various creative outlets: photography, writing, sewing, cooking and entertaining to name a few. You can discover more of Cortney's creative ideas at her blog, Praiseworthy.
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