Steady Mom

let it go

Off and on over the seven years I've written here, we've occasionally had seasons where life became extra busy or extra difficult: with the children, finances, health, house-hunting, jobs--you know, everyday matters.

During those times I'd chat with Steve, wrestle with thoughts, or write out a good pros and cons list titled: Should I continue blogging at Steady Mom?

I'd fill a page with reasons to quit or continue, go over the same ideas with Steve again and again, but no matter how challenging life became, I never wanted to throw in the towel completely. I'd cut back for a while or take a sabbatical, then return to get on with this part of my mission and an important outlet for me as a mama of three littles.

But last week, as I realized it was time to write a new post here, I didn't feel much enthusiasm. When I took a minute to consider why, the thought came: "Let it go." (Sorry to be all cliche and "Frozen" about it, but that's really what happened!)

Immediately, I felt a huge wave of peace and freedom. I knew that yep, it's time to quit, at least for now.

Why am I letting Steady Mom go at this particular moment? Well, let's see:

• There are seven full years of archives here, which is a lot of inspiration for intentional mamas to find (& it will all remain here for anyone to read!)
• I started this blog in early 2009, when my kids were ages three, four, and five. Now they are ten, eleven, and twelve. We're in a completely different life stage. I need to honor them and honor this season by being open to change.
• God used Steady Mom to open doors for my writing at Simple Homeschool and through my books, projects that are keeping life beautifully full at the moment.
• Steady Mom was my place to experiment with blogging, to "find my voice." Well, I found it!

Have you ever visited a blog that hasn't been updated for years, and the writer never said goodbye? I didn't want to do that to you or to future readers who stumble upon this space.

Some of you have miraculously been reading here for years. Without you I never would have developed this platform that has brought me so many opportunities. I owe it to you not to just disappear without a trace. 

And I'm not really disappearing, after all! I'm just one click away at Simple Homeschool.

As is always the case in nature and in our lives, as one season ends, another begins. I can't wait to see all that it holds.

Thank you from my heart for walking the journey toward intentional, professional motherhood along with me. God's richest blessings on you and yours!
 

"Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it.”
~ Ann Landers

10 things you're going to get right this year

It's that time again--when we think through our resolutions and goals for the next twelve months. Some years the process overwhelms me. I mean, there's already so much I screw up on in spite of my best intentions.

Why strive for more that I may or may not reach?

That's why I've put together a list of ten things I believe you are going to get right as mamas this year. A list to remind you of all the awesomeness you usher into your family just by being your regular, imperfect self:

1. This year, you will say yes to you.

You are you--with your personality, strengths, and weaknesses. As much as possible, honor who God made you to be and celebrate it!

2. This year, you will say yes to your kids.

Just to clarify, I don't mean to say yes to everything they want. Say yes to who they deeply are.

The longer I parent the more I realize that at a core level, my kids already are who they are. I'm not going to change them, so why not enjoy the process of watching their identities unfold? 

3. This year, you will read-aloud as many days as you sanely can.

Even if it's a sentence, a Bible verse, or a comic strip. Christmas Day I found a beautiful poem that inspired me, so before dinner I took two minutes to read it to the family. Two minutes, done--with a little extra beauty our way as a result.

Need help choosing books and making this a habit? I've got you covered! And remember the "sanely" part of this resolution--it doesn't apply to the insane days. 

4. This year, you will share what you love with your kids.

Maybe it's cooking, writing, reading, or woodworking. What you love inspires you, therefore it will inspire your kids as well! Model a life of passion in front of them.

5. This year, you will enjoy intentional screen time guilt-free. 

Our culture is currently all-screens, all-the-time--and I'm not advocating that. What I am advocating is that you intentionally think through and decide about screens in your home, for your unique kids and unique situation.

Then enjoy whatever you decide. Without worry, without guilt. 

6. This year, you will say "I love you" more times than you can count.

You'll lose track because it comes out of your mouth so often--in good times when it easily comes off your lips, and in hard ones where it's a pure discipline to get the words formed.

7. This year, you'll sing in the shower, dance in the hallway, lip sync to Taylor Swift, and skip in the street.

Acting childlike with your child is a wonderful way to bond. Silliness opens the door to their hearts.

Note to self: You are a grown up, meaning you don't have to act silly all the time. But when you feel it, do it!

8. This year, you will fail often.

It's going to happen, sweet mamas, so you might as well face it. I'm here to tell you failing is one of the things you'll do right this year! Why? Well, just peek at your growing babes.

Don't they screw up each and every day? Why should you be any different? Acknowledging your day-to-day failure breaks the strongholds of perfectionism that often pass through generations like the plague. 

9. This year, you will apologize.

After the failures, an "I'm sorry" is the difference between a mama screw up and an opportunity.

Your heartfelt apology contributes to a healthy family life.

10. Most importantly, this year you won't run away.

Through hard times and good. In sickness and health. If fortune smiles or if everything falls apart.

Oh sure, you might lock yourself in the bathroom for ten minutes. But you will come out again! You will face those challenges that come shaped like little humans and through your commitment to them you will transform their lives.

In the process, you'll transform yourself this year, too. In all the best of ways.

So beautiful moms, I raise my glass in a toast to you! You're getting so many things right. More than anything else, I pray you'll have eyes to see and acknowledge all the good you do this year for those you love and serve.

"Maybe this year...we ought to walk through the rooms
of our lives not looking for flaws, but for potential."
~ Ellen Goodman

keep the thrill factor low this holiday season

Snapshots from Thanksgiving 2015

"Something was shining bright in the top of Laura's stocking...
And the shining thing was a glittering new tin cup. These new tin cups were their very own.
Now they each had a cup to drink out of.
Laura jumped up and down and shouted and laughed..."

Whenever I read that passage in Little House on the Prairie as a young girl, I never knew exactly what to think of it. I was aware that a tin cup, a small cake, a stick of candy, and a penny (as Laura and Mary go on to find in their stockings) would not create the same thrill for me that it did for the Ingalls' girls. 

How could they be ecstatic over these common items?

Now I see the words through a new, improved mama-lens: These common items weren't common for the Ingalls--they were special!

Ironically, my own set of Little House books (the classic yellow ones for those who remember them) taught me this lesson. I had the set on my Christmas list one year, and when Nana and Sugie gave them to me I squealed with glee. Books from the library were fairly common in our house growing up, but we didn't buy them often.

To own the ones I loved was a pure joy. 

How can we follow the same principle this holiday season? How can we elevate the common, so that the simple things give our kids a thrill?

We do it by intentionally designating what is common and special in our homes. 

Let me illustrate with an example. I can't take credit for planning this one out, mind you, because it happened accidentally. (But I'll still take the credit if you'll give it to me. :) )

My 12-year-old daughter Trishna loves creative writing. In our home, we provide reams of paper for her to practice her craft, and she does. She staples them together into books, drawing and writing furiously in the creation of her stories.

If we gave her a ream of paper for Christmas, she'd look at us with raised eyebrows. 

Paper is common, expected. Not much thrill there. (Note that this isn't bad, either. It just IS.)

Yet somewhere along the way, spiral notebooks became special in our home. Blank books or journals bound together became as treasured as gold. Yes, I'm talking the same spiral notebooks you can buy for $1 or less at back-to-school time.

If we wrapped one of these for Trishna and placed it under the tree, there would be much rejoicing when she opened it. It's the common elevated, thus it yields a big reaction at very little expense.

When we don't think this through we end up spending more energy and money, just to provide the same level of thrill for our kids.

I've learned this lesson just as much from the times we've gotten it wrong. 

On at least two holidays Steve and I have gone all out, finding what we thought was the perfect gift, spending quite a bit of money on it, and having it fall flat.

Once a child even confided later that it wasn't what they really wanted--they wanted something much less grand (and much less expensive!)

Whoops. 

Once we gave a child a huge version of the toy they wanted. Bigger equals better, right? Actually, they told us later that it was too heavy to play with. Two years later, it sits on a desk and gets looked at regularly.

Whoops.

I now shop differently for the kids. I look for what will yield the biggest thrill for the least amount of effort and expense. 

By keeping the thrill factor low in our homes, we save money and energy. We also do our kids a big favor--one that leads them to find joy, both now and in the decades to come, in the small and the simple. 

Books mentioned in this post:

A Little House Christmas Treasury

"They had never even thought of such a thing as having a penny. Think of having a whole penny for your very own. Think of having a cup and a cake and a stick of candy and a penny.
There never had been such a Christmas."

to the mom of littles I was seven years ago

Glimpses of our 2008 days

Dearest 2008 Jamie,

Hello mama of a five-, four-, and three-year-old! Congratulations on your blossoming brood. You've gone from zero to three kids in three years.

You are exactly where God wants you, but you're also completely out of your element! The next seven years have so much to teach you. 

And if I could go back in time, this is what I wish I could let you know:

That blog you're currently following, the one that teaches young moms that every minute of their day needs to be accounted for and used diligently? Jamie, please stop following it.

Stop feeling guilty for your in-built, God-given need for rest. You'll figure this out eventually, but if you could get there sooner it would save you so much angst!

Welcome to survival mode; it will be your life for the next few years.

Stop resisting it. This isn't going to be your most productive season; it isn't meant to be. Do what has to be done to keep family life functioning, and don't aim for much more. More will come, but not for a while.

That amazing babysitter you've hired five hours each week? Jamie, why are you still staying with the children when she's there?

Can someone say "balance," lady? Get out of that house and surround yourself with quiet--for just a little while! You'll discover this soon.

Another thing I'd love to give you a heads up about:

Put on an extra episode of Signing Time or Little Einsteins once in a while! You're too rigid about how little screen time you allow. You don't have family nearby like some do, and you have a husband who regularly travels for work. Your sanity sometimes equates to screens for your littles, and that's okay.

Another big revelation is coming your way in the years ahead: You're a highly sensitive person!

This explains so much! Knowing this, you'll be able to tailor life to what you need most, enabling your whole family to thrive in new ways. 

In seven years, you'll be amazed to look back and see all God is doing in you and the kids right now. You'll be so glad you listened to your heart, and didn't try to rush them. You'll be thankful you took big risks, even though some worked and some didn't.

If there's one message I could pass on, it would be this:

Your core values determine your family's reality. 

Knowing this would encourage you to lighten up just a bit.

Here's what I mean:

Because you have a core value to eat healthily, it doesn't matter that you put in a frozen pizza once a week.

7 years later, your kids eat well and aren't afraid to try new foods.

Because you have a core value to limit screens, it doesn't matter that you let the kids watch extra when they're sick or you need a mental health day.

7 years later, your kids are not addicted to screens even though you use them regularly.

Because you have a core value to build your life around the power of story and books, it doesn't matter if one day or week you don't get around to reading.

7 years later, your kids adore books.

Because you have a core value to live as followers of Jesus, it doesn't matter that you sometimes screw up, lose it with the kids, raise your voice, or cry in the bathroom.

7 years later, your kids are learning for themselves the power of grace and forgiveness.

So if I could whisper to you from the future, 2008 Jamie, I'd tell you to be gentler with yourself. Be yourself a bit more, without so much analysis.

I'd tell you to deal with what's in front of you each day, and to reserve a tiny bit of energy for pursuing your own dreams.

Because seven years from now, you'll be so glad you pushed publish on that first mundane blog post in 2008. You won't believe where it's going to take you!

Written with much love from,

2015 Jamie (who can't wait to hear from 2022 Jamie in seven more years!)

“The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.”
~ Eleanor Roosevelt

P.S. I hope my readers who are currently mamas of littles will be able to find encouragement in this back to the future letter!