Steady Mom

tips for surviving as a solo parent

hotel swimming - the best in winter

Steve's job, as CEO of Love146, takes him away from us on a semi-regular basis. I don't (typically) resent this, as I feel a big part of my contribution to the cause of abolition is allowing him to travel when needed.

This means I do quite a bit of solo parenting, but I know some of you do, too--if you are a single parent full-time, if your husband is in the military, or even if he's just gone away for an evening with friends.

Here are some tips that help me survive when solo parenting:

1. Choose a meal.

Last week when Steve was away for six days, I let each child decide on a dinner one day (I chose the others.) There was much excitement over this freedom, and we had special pre-made dinners that we don't usually buy to choose from.

2. Change it up a little and add in a surprise.

The kids and I broke out of town and went to a hotel for a night. Though I can't recommend it in terms of the amount of sleep I received, the novelty factor seriously helped distract everyone from missing Daddy--and we had the hotel's swimming pool all to ourselves.

3. But don't change it up too much.

Things are already different because Daddy's away, and this makes little ones (& their mamas, ahem) feel a little off. So allow for a few changes, but also keep plenty of balance and regular rhythm.

While I'm often tempted to abandon our typical school routine if Steve is away, I've found that actually it is the perfect time to keep going with that part of our day. Instead, we take a break when he comes home.

4. Let the kids snuggle with you for a night.

I haven't actually done this myself, but a friend once told me that whenever her father traveled for business her siblings got to take turns sleeping the night in their mom's bed.

5. Don't work too hard.

When you're solo parenting you carry extra stress, and mamas need to find a way to maintain balance.

I usually write when the kids go to a weekly class, but instead last week I went for a walk in the woods. I scheduled a repost on one of my blogs and just tried to slow my pace in other areas.

Look after yourself, sweet mama, so you can look after your little people.

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the key to starting a habit with your kids

I'll always remember the time I heard an experienced mother of nine speak at a conference. As a mom of only one tiny infant, she seemed like a mothering giant in my eyes.

Her words have stayed with me:

"What becomes a habit doesn't become a battle."

Makes sense, doesn't it? Take something like brushing our teeth. For most of us, we never think about this daily task--we know when we do it and we just do it. We don't have to wonder, "Should I or shouldn't I? Do I want to or don't I?"

It's the same for our kids.

And that's why the key to starting a habit is just that...starting it.

I am thankful that my kids have chores, stay in their rooms in the morning, declutter their stuff (with help), and have an afternoon rest time. We developed these habits by deciding they were important and sticking with them through the awkward times.

Change is hard and results in grumbling from young or old alike. New habits are never easy to begin.

But if we persist, we eventually reach that place where life flows from one habit to the next--imperfectly, for sure, but within the priorities we value and hold dear.

Is there a habit in the back of your mind? One you sense is right for your family? May I encourage you to step toward it today?

 

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a few of my favorite things

lemon-strawberry thumbprint cookies - yum!

Favorite thing to wear: this necklace by Lisa Leonard

Favorite recipe: granola--a variation of this recipe from Heather

Favorite cookbook: Feeding the Whole Family by Cynthia Lair (cookies from photo above are found here)

One of my favorite blogs: SouleMama

Favorite kids' toy: Lincoln Logs

Favorite thing to read: Jane Austen novels

Favorite thing to listen to: Sparkle Stories (both the kids and I love these!)

Favorite thing to watch with Steve: Downton Abbey

Favorite thing to watch with the kids: The Muppet Show

Favorite place to go: Starbucks, for some quiet Mommy writing time.

Favorite place to be: Home.

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The Power of Eliminating Distractions

Photo by net_efekt

Turn off the televsion. Media can be a distraction.

Quiet your mind. Our thoughts can be our enemies.

Clear a shelf. Our clutter takes away from our peace.

When we free ourselves from the need for perfection, we can try things just to see how they feel.

Are your blog comments distracting you? Remove them.

Is your family's screen time keeping everyone from connecting? Put screens in the basement for a week--or somewhere hard to access.

Ask yourself today--what is distracting me, my family, from living our best life? Then just try getting rid of it. It doesn't have to be forever--the idea of doing something "forever" often sets us up for failure.

Like toddlers wobbling on sea legs, we, too, can baby step our way to the life we want. Get started today by eliminating a distraction.

how to deal with lying

Photo by geishaboy500

I'll be back soon with a new post, but today I wanted to let you guys have the chance to answer another reader's question.

Kiasa asked:

"How do I stop my daughter from lying?! She's 5 years old now and has been lying since she was 3 years old. We are trying so hard to teach her (in a variety of ways), but it is getting worse.

She is very talented at twisting the truth and very convincing in her arguments (she will make an excellent lawyer ;)). It's impossible to catch her in every lie, so she gets away with it sometimes. I want to trust her. Any advice, suggestions, support?"