Photo by Janek Mann
The following is a guest post from Lisa Byrne of The WellGrounded Life. (A note from Jamie: Lisa's blog is one of my favorites--I'm so happy to have her sharing on Steady Mom today!)
Not too long ago, I caught myself in a conversation with a friend where we spent our whole time together sharing complaints about our lives. In fact we were purposefully seeking out ways to connect through negativity.
You know, commiserating on the difficulties of raising toddlers, the terrible heat, the extra expenses of school season beginning, the monotony of having to clean the house and cook dinner every day. Really the ordinary, (and extraordinary!) responsibilities (and blessings!) we have as moms in the world.
All too often, if I’m not watchful, I find myself in these kinds of conversations...when my husband comes home, when I drop the kids off to my mom’s for a visit, when I strike up a conversation with the cashier at a store.
The tendency to focus on the negative and keep ourselves in a constant state of complaining is rampant in our society.
I think it has an addictive quality. And I also think it is destructive to our health.
Our minds are the central organs in how we perceive our lives. What fills our thoughts flows out of our thoughts. What we speak colors the way we view our lives and ultimately the vision we have for how we want to experience living.
It may seem subtle, but I know in my own life the connection is real and strong.
Every once in a while, we may take stock of where we are and “say” we want to lose the weight, gain more energy, parent from a calm and grounded place, be happier during our days, have clarity of thought, be more active and productive.
But allowing our thoughts to focus on the negative through complaining and grumbling is the surest way to keep our whole-person health exactly where it is.
Something happens to people who break through and actually lose weight. Who begin to nourish themselves and experience more energy and elevated moods. Who release the overwhelm and experience their days in orderly rhythms that they enjoy and feel on top of.
Their whole person begins to elevate.
They think differently, they speak differently, they hold themselves differently. Just being around them, you can feel the shift in energy.
And I’ve watched women time and time again that start to truly reach a new level of health feel almost isolated from their old friends and family members who are still holding on to the negativity, complaining and grumbling.
With a new level of health, those ways of thinking simply cannot exist...and the truth is, in order to reach new levels of health, those ways of thinking must be the first to be left behind.
That is why establishing yourself in a community of like-minded, high energy, supportive people who have similar goals and are actively making positive changes in their life, is essential to truly succeeding.
If complaining and negativity is a habit, the fastest way to break the habit, is simply to work on establishing a new habit that will take its place. The “anti-habit” to complaining is a habit of gratitude for where you are, vision for an exciting future and pro-action toward making things better.
This is not about being Pollyanna and never expressing anything negative in your life again-- but it is about having a core group, a mentor, that you can check in with and who hears your needs from a place of compassion but also pro-action, offering strategies and direction to a better place of living.
Have you ever experienced this kind of support? Do you have something like this in place in your life right now?
If you are not sure where to find this community, I invite you to check out an upcoming online program I am leading called Designed for Wellness.
I know that once women get the fundamentals of excellent health down by learning skills to understand what their body needs and how to best feed it and care for it, major transformation happens. And the communities that are created learn together, support each other, grow together, and make major breakthroughs together.
It’s an awesome experience.
Maybe right now you find yourself tired and drained. Maybe you feel overwhelmed and stressed out. Maybe you are unhappy with your body, its weight or its lack of energy. Maybe you are battling mood swings and have a hard time focusing and feeling clarity of thought.
If you are there and you find yourself stuck in a complaining spiral, than I encourage you to take a shift in focus and seek out others who have a vision for healthier living as well.
And if you’d like more details about Designed for Wellness, which begins September 18, 2010, click here.
**Do you feel like negativity comes out in your daily conversations?**
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Lisa is a women's wellness expert and holistic health coach who blogs at The WellGrounded Life and teaches courses and workshops on holistic nutrition and healthy living in a busy lifestyle.
