This post was originally published on May 21, 2009.
It happened earlier today.
While outside, Jonathan got very upset that Elijah had gathered more fallen dogwood blossoms than he had. Plenty still covered the ground, so I said he could get his own. But no - he didn't want to do "all that work." He just wanted to grab Elijah's.
I could tell by his tone that the situation might escalate. By this time, Jonathan was saying, "No, no, no!" Then he began taking off his shorts and shoes in protest. I told him I wouldn't be able to help with the blossoms unless he spoke to me respectfully.
At that point he straightened up, happy as can be, and played in his underwear for the next 20 minutes! I was surprised - how had a full-blown tantrum been averted?
I think it's because I let Jonathan "save face." He knew he couldn't grab his brother's blossoms or shout at me and expect to get help. But by letting him express frustration in another way (taking off his shorts/shoes) he still felt he had a "voice."
Our children have personalities and opinions that are just as valid as ours. But we are the parents. When possible, we can look for a gracious way of letting them comply while still being able to respectfully disagree.
Allowing our children to "save face" is one way to do this. It lets our children know that we're on the same team.
After all - children are people, too.
Just smaller ones.
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Jamie is
founder of this spot called Steady Mom, editor of the blog Simple
Homeschool, mama to three cute kids born on three different
continents, and author of Steady Days: A Journey Toward Intentional,
Professional Motherhood.
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